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如果现实与理想总有距离,除了死扛和逃避,我们还有什么选择?

发布时间:2018-9-5 浏览次数:613

If only life went exactly as we imagine it would go … things would be so much easier!


要是生活能像我们想象的那样进行…… 一切都会更加容易!


Unfortunately, in my dozens and dozens of habit changes, I’ve never once had a change go exactly as I’d envisioned. The reality is always different.


不幸的是,许多次我尝试改变习惯,然而从来没有一次如我所愿:现实总是另一副模样。


Here’s the thing: that difference can be an interesting surprise, or it can absolutely derail you.


事实往往如此:想象和现实之间的差别,一方面可能是一个有趣的惊喜,一方面也可能完全扰乱你的进度。


I'll give you a few examples.


我举几个例子。


Example 1: Waking early: When I plan to start waking up earlier, I have this rosy ideal about how nice it will be to get up when it’s quiet, and use my day productively. I’ll meditate, write, read, exercise, do some yoga … life is going to be amazing!


例一 · 早起:当我计划早起,我会有着美好的憧憬,想象着起床时四周宁静是多么美好,想象着我将能高效地利用这一天。我会冥想,写作,阅读,锻炼,做瑜伽…… 生活会很美妙!




Then I start waking early, and the reality is much different: I am tired, I’m moving slowly, my meditation is fuzzy because I’m tired, I don’t write as well when I’m still waking up, I don’t feel like exercising.


然后我开始早起,结果发现现实却是另一副模样:我感觉疲惫,行动缓慢;冥想也因疲惫而很模糊;起床后好像还没睡醒似的,写作质量就是没那么好;锻炼?还是算了吧……


I can become very disappointed with this reality, and in myself. Or I can embrace the deliciousness of being tired, and see it as a thing to be curious about.


我可以继续早起,但是不要再自以为知道会发生什么事情,而是仅仅去观察;采取一无所知的态度,而不是以为一切都会满足我的幻想。然后,带着这样的态度去探索。


I can continue with waking early, but instead of thinking I know how things will turn out, I can simply see what it’s like. Take a stance of not knowing, rather than thinking things will match my fantasies. And explore.


我有两个选择:要么就是对现实和自己感到非常失望,要么就是接受疲惫的舒服感,用好奇心看待它。


Example 2: Exercise: I always have an incredible plan for when I start a new exercise program. I’m going to do a hardcore squat program. Or an ambitious running program. Or some kind of intense Crossfit-style plan. Oh man, I am going to be so fit, and people will admire my new quads!


例二 · 锻炼:我总是会雄心勃勃的计划着要何时开始新的锻炼项目。我会计划完成剧烈的深蹲训练,或者高强度跑步计划,或者剧烈的 Crossfit 训练(国外的一种高强度健身法)。哦,天啊,我肯定会看起来非常健壮,人们会羡慕我的股二头肌!




Then when I start doing the program, not only is it way harder than I imagined, but I struggle to stay with it, and even when I’m able to stay on plan, I might get injured.


结果,当我开始训练时,不仅训练比我想象的难,而且我还挣扎着坚持,而即使我能坚持下来,我也可能会受伤。


Or I’m super sore, walking around like a stiff zombie, then for my next workout I can’t push through the soreness. Turns out, my body needs a little more rest than I thought, and I should ramp up to intense workouts more slowly. Who would have guessed?


或者就算不受伤,我也会全身剧疼,走起路来像个僵尸,到了下一次训练的时候,我会痛得招架不住,无法完成整个训练。事实证明,我的身体需要更多的休息,我应该更慢些提高训练强度。谁能想到呢?


I can become disappointed with my body, with the reality that meets my optimistic self. Or I can see this as a learning opportunity, and a chance to adjust my thinking and my exercise plan. When met with the cold hard face of reality, we can adjust our plans to be adapted for that reality.


当乐观的我遭遇这样的现实时,我可能会对现实和自己的身体失望。或者我也可以将此视作是一次学习的机会,一次调整自己想法和训练计划的机会。当我们遭遇现实的冷酷时,我们可以调整自己的计划去适应现实。


We don’t have to grip tightly to the original plan, stubbornly trying to make reality conform with our ideals. Adjusting means we learn to be adaptable, flexible, fluid. This is one of the many lovely benefits of meeting reality.


我们不需要紧握初始计划不放,也不需要固执地努力使现实符合我们的理想。调整,意味着我们要学会适应、灵活、流动。这是面对现实的诸多益处之一。


Example 3: Writing a book: When I decide to write a new book, it’s interesting to note what my ideals are. I have this fantasy of being an amazing writer, who just blows minds and changes lives.


例三 · 写书:“好,我决定写一本新书!” 且慢!别光是听我说,先看看我的理想,蛮有趣的。我幻想成为一名不可思议的作家,让人们脑洞大开,从此改变他们的生活。




People will not only be impressed by the wisdom and richness of my writing, they’ll throw their money at me in gratitude. I’ll wake early, write like a maniac, come back to revise and craft my tender words, and then publish within weeks, triumphantly.


人们不仅被我的智慧和丰富的表达所倾倒,还会充满感激地花钱买我的书。我会早起,疯狂写作,反复修订,斟酌语言,然后在数周内出版,大获成功。


I’m sure you can guess that reality throws some cold water on that fantasy, right quick. When I start writing, I first have to deal with the demon of procrastination.


你肯定能猜到,现实很快地向我这样的幻想泼了冷水。一开始写作时,我首先就得对付拖延症这个魔鬼。


I’ll want to check email, read my favorite blogs, clean my house, do some “research” (those quotes don’t mean something dirty — the research is just an excuse to google things and put my writing off). I’ll fall behind schedule, be less than enthused about the project, and enjoy the writing a lot less than I thought I would. It feels like drudgery, not bliss.


我想查看一下邮件,读一读最喜欢的博客,打扫房子,做些 “研究”(这里打引号的研究不是什么见不得光的事 —— 我没在网上乱搜什么让人心神不宁的东西。所谓研究,只不过是我用 Google 搜索、拖延写作的借口而已)。我会落后于写作日程,热情减退,没有像预想的那样享受写作过程。写作变得像是苦差事,一点幸福感也没有。



This can derail me, and it has in the past. But my best response is to accept this reality, to see the humor in it (laugh at myself for my hilarious ideals), to find curiosity in the process, to find joy in the small moments of creation.


这种状况会把我的进程打乱;我身上确实曾经发生过这样的事。但是我最好的回应就是接受现实,幽默看待(嘲笑我自己那些滑稽的理想),在过程中拾取好奇心,在每一个短暂的创作时刻中发现快乐。


Sure, people aren’t worshipping at my writing god feet, but I am connecting with people through my writing, I’m connecting with my inner, unseen self, and I’m connecting with the written word and all other writers in a way that I don’t fully understand. This is fascinating and something to appreciate at a level of detail that fantasy can’t match.


没错,人们不会把我当成 “写作天王” 膜拜我,但是写作能让我与人们产生连接,与内在那个没有被看到的自己产生连接,与文字和其他作者以一种无法言说的方式产生连接。这是一种美妙和值得感激的事情,是幻想无法触及的细节。



The Takeaway: Be Open

锦囊:保持开放


As you can see, the reality of life change doesn’t come close to what we idealize it to be. When we hit the ground of reality, we are never prepared for its actuality. And for many (myself included), that can be disappointing, frustrating, derailing.


正如所见,当我们想改变生活的时候,现实与理想并不相符。当我们触碰到现实时,我们总是会被逮个措手不及。这样的事,可能会使很多人(包括我自己)失望、沮丧、崩溃。




But it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If we are open to this different reality, instead of rejecting it, we can:


但这并非一定是坏事。如果我们对不一样的现实保持开放,而不是拒绝,我们就可以:


  • Accept this new reality
    接受新的现实

  • Be curious about it
    保持好奇心

  • See it as a learning opportunity
    把它视作是学习机会

  • Find gratitude in the small details of it
    在每一个小细节中寻找感恩

  • Find joy in the small moments of it
    在过程中发现微小的快乐

  • Adjust our plans, and learn to be flexible, fluid
    调整计划,学会灵活流动

  • Embrace the deliciousness of drudger, or being tired or sore
    接受辛苦,疲惫和疼痛的好的一面

  • Explore with a stance of not knowing
    以无知的心态去探索


    This is how we can meet the cold, hard reality of our actual changes. And it can be magnificent.


    透过这种方式,我们就能在实际进行改变时应对冷酷的现实,而现实也会因此变得美妙。



    译者简介:Vivi,英国国约克大学应用语言学硕士,心理学爱好者。喜欢不同的尝试和丰富的生活。通过心理学丰富认知,遇到更好的自己。


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